Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself

Hmmm.

Last night, I represented my organization at a meeting of the board that oversees a major event we participate in. It is a board known for conflict and hard feelings, so I wasn't looking forward to the experience. We have one of our own folks who has been elected to regularly represent us at these meetings, but this particular session was scheduled just next door to my office, and between two other meetings I had to stay in the office for anyway. In other words, I had no excuse to miss it.

What I observed was fascinating.

The feeling of contention in the room emanated not only from the board members and their staff person, but also from our rep. There was no shortage of people interrupting each other. The body language of all involved was almost comical, with heavy sighs, hands slamming down on the table, eyes rolling as heads looked up and back over shoulders, and mouths dropping open in expressions of shock at the words of others.

As the meeting wore on, and the topic of discussion turned to my program, I sat wrestling with feelings of concern and amusement. They were talking about my program, expressing all sorts of worries, complaints, demands, and questions -- and it took over 10 minutes for them to turn to me and ask if I had anything to say.

Granted, they are used to dealing with our regular representative, and maybe everyone thought I would offer up my own dose of contention, but it seemed odd that they didn't readily break from their group roles to find out.

When they did finally offer me a chance to speak, I did my best to recognize the concerns of all those in the room as a way to make some connection. And then I worked to basically introduce myself, my program, to the board. It felt as if they were operating on some very incorrect assumptions about our membership, our goals, and our policies. I only had a few minutes, but I think I was able to do a little education about who we really are instead of who they have believed us to be.

I left before the meeting was over, to get to my next meeting, so I have no idea what was said after my efforts. But I can say that after I spoke, I at least saw some smiles and felt a little less animosity toward my program.

So I've gone on for quite a while about this -- what did I learn? And what does it have to do with democracy or citizen engagement?

I learned that while disagreement can create discussions that end up helping all parties come up with appropriate, creative approaches to challenges, unmanaged conflict can create arguments that distract groups from healthy progress. It can lead group members to lower their standards of behavior, rather than raise that standard - and unfortunately, all group members seem to get caught in this negative movement. It seems a cycle that is difficult to break.

I also learned, or was reminded, that finding the things that you agree on first, can help move discussions in a more positive direction -- even if you ultimately need to confront issues on which you disagree.

Those basic communication skills of introducing yourself before engaging in discussions, and of listening for things you share in common with those you are wanting to speak to -- they really are important. And completely within our reach. Here's to the practice of them.